Principal’s pet has no class, and other strange tales

Twenty-five years ago, then-UFT President Sandra Feldman introduced New York Teacher readers to what she described as “the Educational Twilight Zone,” a “senseless world that defies all logic … a world where man has completely lost touch with reality.”

Sound familiar? It’s time we paid another visit to that absurd world in which common sense is overruled by nonsense, byzantine rules are the order of the day, principals too often govern by fiat and reason has been forever banished. Return with us now to … the Educational Twilight Zone.

We begin our journey at MS 443 in Brooklyn, where a principal routinely brings his puppy to school with him. Dogs have to learn, too — but surely there must be a better place for the bright little pup to spend the day than at the middle school?

For now, Oreo spends his days in a cargo cage in a room shared by four to six out-of-classroom teachers. He’s walked occasionally by the administration and a few teachers, but does most of his business in his cage — while the long-suffering teachers who share the room with him attempt to grade papers and exams, plan their lessons and meet with students in need of extra help.

While this may all sound like a joke, it’s actually quite serious. It’s only a matter of time until our furry friend induces an allergic reaction in a student or teacher — or, worse yet, bites one of them, an unhappy turn of events for man and his best friend as well.

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Wacky principals are all too common in the Educational Twilight Zone. Just consider the recent headline-making letter sent by Principal Andrew Buck to the staff and PTA at Brooklyn’s MS 588 in which he defends the school’s shortage of textbooks.

For two years, parents and teachers at the school have complained to Buck that there are not enough social studies or English language arts textbooks for students. And for two years, Buck has alternately ignored their complaints, lied to them that there are sufficient textbooks or, ludicrously, said the shortage isn’t a big deal.

In his letter, titled “Principal’s Reflection,” Buck defends his school’s shortage by asking “just because high schools and colleges use textbooks, does that mean we have to?” and declaring, in a phrase worthy of Yogi Berra, that “students can’t use a textbook to learn how to learn from a textbook.” Well, duh. That’s what teachers are for!

Reading over his letter, it is hard not to wonder if this principal, too, was denied an ELA textbook as a youngster: his writing is riddled with grammatical and spelling errors. In his very first sentence, Buck juxtaposes “should” and “ought” as if they have different meanings, and he spells “textbook” as two words throughout. Pluralization is a big problem, too, but one sentence takes the cake for its ridiculousness: “Text books are the soup de jour, the sine qua non, the nut and bolts of teaching and learning in high school and college so to speak.”

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The principal at MS 443 thinks it’s OK to bring his dog to school, so it isn’t surprising to find “Oreo” getting prominent placement on the school’s newsletter logo. Finally, we finish our visit to the Educational Twilight Zone at PS 139, in Brooklyn, where another principal has wreaked havoc on teachers and students alike with her nonsensical scheduling changes.

PS 139 is on a six-day rotating schedule, but that isn’t complicated enough for Principal Mary McDonald. Although the school has never before adjusted its schedule for a snow day or any other reason, McDonald changed Nov. 29 from a “day four” to a “day two,” purportedly to make up for a professional development day held back in October. Nov. 29 just happened to coincide with the school’s quality review.

Either way, that move alone didn’t throw off the school’s entire schedule, but when on Dec. 3 the principal again changed the schedule — a “day two” magically became a “day four” — she created absolute chaos. The schedule became Day 2, 5, 6, 1, 4, 3, 4.

The school’s schedule will hopefully be back to normal soon, but, in the meanwhile, teachers and students have been left unsure what day in the rotation it is — and, therefore, don’t know which lessons to plan or what to bring with them to school.

District 19 Representative Alan Abrams wonders: Can’t we go back to letting Monday through Friday be Monday through Friday? Not in the Educational Twilight Zone.

Has your school entered the Educational Twilight Zone? If so, please send your story to twilightzone@uft.org. In the e-mail, please give your name, your school and a phone number where we can reach you.