Putting the discipline code into action

Enforcement is what makes the discipline code effective. If the principal acts quickly and surely, youngsters will get the message about unacceptable behavior. It’s amazing how quickly an out-of-control school can turn into an orderly one when the rules are consistently enforced.

On the other hand, kids catch on just as fast when they know that they can break the rules and not get punished. Consequences must be fair; there can’t be favoritism. It’s in everyone’s best interest to see that follow-through is certain and swift.

Parents can play an important role in ensuring proper discipline in school:

Reinforce school rules with your own children and with other children whom you see. A reminder from an adult other than the teacher tells a child that everyone agrees about the rules. It also tells them that they are accountable for their behavior no matter where they are.
Talk to the principal if you feel that the discipline code in your child’s school doesn’t cover everything that you think it should. Speak up if you feel that the discipline code is not being properly enforced.
Get together with other parents through the school’s parent association to offer your ideas. Some schools, with parent support, have established conflict resolution teams, student courts and other programs that teach youngsters how to develop self-discipline.

No parents want their children hurt by others, nor do they want their children to bully or harm others. You can help your children learn appropriate behavior. One way is by encouraging them to express angry feelings in appropriate ways. Another is helping them understand why they are being punished if they should do something wrong.

If your child breaks the rules

Few things upset parents more than learning that their children have gotten into trouble. But sometimes our best efforts fail and our children do something wrong. You may not know something is amiss until you get a call or note from the teacher, or see a critical remark on a report card.

By showing children how to take responsibility for their actions, you teach them important lessons.

Misbehavior

Suppose your child’s teacher phones to tell you about some misbehavior by your child? Here are some suggestions for handling such a situation. (Conferences about more serious misconduct that may lead to a suspension have strict guidelines and are discussed below.)

Talk to your child’s teacher. Face-to-face meetings are best. Call the school and ask for an appointment. At the meeting, ask whatever questions you have, including whether the problem has occurred more than once and whether the teacher can recommend a remedy. For example, your child may respond to the idea of developing a written contract that spells out the do’s and don’ts that cover his or her misbehavior.
Talk to your child. This can be alone or with a teacher, guidance counselor or school supervisor present. However, be sure you are in a quiet area where other children won’t see or hear things that may embarrass your child.
Go over the facts. Ask the principal, dean or other school authority to present all the facts. Listen carefully and be sure your child has the opportunity to respond.
Support your child while you uphold the need for rules. Even though you may feel upset, stay calm and show your child that you will stand at his or her side to resolve the problem. At the same time, however, hold your child accountable for any improper behavior that comes to light. You don’t want to attack your child, nor do you want to defend actions that you know to be wrong. Also, let your child know that the teacher wants to help.
Your child has the right to be counseled by members of the school’s professional staff. Sometimes students need emotional support after they have gotten into trouble. Schools provide such help from guidance counselors, psychologists and other professionals. This assistance can help students better understand why they misbehaved and how best to control their behavior in the future. If such help is not offered by the teacher or supervisor, ask about it.

Serious Misconduct

For more serious infractions, such as fighting, drug possession or carrying any type of weapon, a formal hearing may be called, especially if the incident requires police attention or mandatory suspension. Some pointers:

Be present at any hearing when a serious infraction involving your child is discussed. Under current law, the only people who can speak on a child’s behalf are the child’s custodial parent or legal guardian, so make every effort to be there yourself. If you absolutely cannot arrange that, because of illness or some other important reason, contact the school to ask if there is a way to authorize someone else to represent you.
Be sure you understand clearly the consequences for the specific offense. The principal should give you written notice of any disciplinary action planned or taken, without delay, following a serious incident. The incident may become part of a pupil’s record, and the school should notify you about your right to appeal, if you feel that is necessary. Also, ask if your child faces placement in a different educational setting or if the school is recommending psychological help.

Students’ rights and responsibilities

When rules are violated, consequences should be the same for all students. However, each case is individually reviewed by school officials who consider the child’s age and intentions. If the child is in special education, federal law and court rulings require the Board of Education to also take the handicapping condition into consideration when taking disciplinary measures.

You may not agree with the school’s assessment of the situation or be satisfied with the way the problem was resolved at your child’s school. If that’s the case, you can appeal a principal’s decision to the district’s supervisor of guidance or to the next highest educational level.