New Teacher Diaries

Taking things personally

Jan 18, 2007 5:21 PM

By BIMSMILE

When students are bored or they think an assignment is “dumb” or they just refuse to do any work, sometimes it’s hard not to feel personally insulted.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way. I recall being told earlier on in my career as a high school English teacher — don’t take things personally! However, I have a real problem doing that. I want all my students to like me, listen to me and trust me — but that’s not always the case.

How much trust should students put in their teachers? It seems that when students don’t trust that you have their best interests at heart, then they don’t give you much respect. This lack of respect comes in all different shapes and sizes. I guess trust and respect go hand-in-hand in my mind.

Last Friday I stayed late to make phone calls to parents. The first call I made was to a student who — just to give you a little of his background — had shown me a court order as an absent note earlier in the week. I was calling to discuss his lack of effort and therefore work in class. When he answered the phone and informed me that his parents were not at home, I had to think quickly: Should I leave him with the message? Should I leave any message? He had shown improvement in his attendance, and I didn’t want that to change, so I told him that’s why I was calling. He was short and curt with me, even after I told him I was calling for a positive reason. He said, “Whatever, I’m out,” and hung up on me.

I was stunned and felt very insulted. No one likes to be hung up on. When I confronted him about it on Monday, he was just as rude and repeatedly said, “It doesn’t matter.”

If he doesn’t care, why should I? How can I not feel hurt? Isn’t it human nature to feel insulted when you reach out to someone and you get that sort of a response?

On the other hand, maybe some sort of a response is better than none. I’ve tried on numerous occasions to talk with another student of mine regarding his lack of effort. He sits in class and does little or no work. He’s not talking or misbehaving; he’s just not working. When I have tried to talk with him, he won’t look at me and he barely responds. I don’t understand what goes through his mind. Going through mine is:

• Is he confused or lost?
• Is this class too easy for him and thus boring?
• Is he lazy?

I asked him again today why he had not completed or even begun the writing assignment. His response was, “I don’t like the topic.” He’s a very bright kid, and it bothers me that he doesn’t seem to put any trust in me as a teacher; that he can’t see that everything I ask of him is only to assist in his learning and will benefit him in the long run.

Since when do students get to pick and choose which assignments they want to do? I called his mother today and am hoping that will motivate him. I’m at a loss about how to deal with it further and I’m fed up.

There are so many things to keep in mind as a teacher — you never know a student’s background, his or her troubles, or his or her reasoning. There is no easy solution. There’s a certain amount of trust that our students need to put in us. If they don’t allow that to happen, we become powerless.

Is there a way to get them to learn without getting them to trust us? I feel like there isn’t.

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Bimsmile is the pseudonym for a second-year teacher. A version of this post first appeared on the UFT blog, edwize.org, where “New Teacher Diaries” is a regular feature. If you’re interested in contributing, send an e-mail to blog@uft.org.