New Teacher Diaries
When the struggles are worth it
Jun 7, 2007 1:29 PM
I’ve come to realize that in teaching, success can be measured in different ways. Through my second year of teaching, I’ve learned that I sometimes need to look beyond my students’ grades and tangible work to see that success. I’ve learned that I have to see my students for who they are. I have to build a strong relationship, a good rapport, with each student, and then see how I can best help him or her succeed — it’s not always academic.
I now realize that the relationships I’ve fostered with students throughout this year are a highly undervalued tool of teaching. One of the best aspects of my second year of teaching has been these relationships. Perhaps the most significant difference between my first year and second year of teaching is that I am better able to put the minor frustrations aside and see each and every one of my students for who they are.
This year my school tried for the first time to annualize all classes. So I had the same 85 to 90 students all year long, which allowed me to get to know my students much better than last year — not only on an academic level, but also as people. I think I was also able to build a stronger rapport with my students this year because I am a better teacher than I was last year. I am less frazzled, crazed and stressed out. I spend less time on planning, less time on grading and more time on putting together comprehensive lesson plans, devising creative projects and thinking of ways to individually motivate and push my students. My goal is to help my students in some way. What I found this year, however, is that help is not always or only academic.
This school year, I still encountered many frustrations; these, unfortunately, don’t just dissipate with time. There are many aspects of teaching that are just plain frustrating no matter how many years of teaching experience one has. Last year I was blinded by my lack of experience. I blamed myself when, no matter how hard I struggled, I wasn’t able to rid all students of bad attitudes and lack of motivation. I didn’t see as clearly the frustrations that my students dealt with on a daily basis in and out of the classroom. Perhaps the most significant realization I’ve made this year is that without dealing with my students’ issues outside of the classroom, I cannot expect to resolve any of my own issues within the classroom.
Having the ability to see beyond my own teaching this year has opened my eyes to the realities of my students’ lives, like it or not! Helping my students deal with these realities, knowing that some of them had faith in me and trusted me to help, was rewarding.
One particular student stands out in my mind. Last fall, I noticed slight slash marks on the arm of a sullen young girl whom I’ll call Lucy. Lucy was bubbly one day and quiet and seemingly depressed the next. I pulled her aside after class one day and asked her about the marks. She readily admitted to me that she cut herself. She told me she just sometimes didn’t want to live.
I never imagined I’d have this conversation. Not knowing much about Lucy yet, I pointed out how much she had going for her. I asked her if anyone knew, if she was getting counseling and what she’d like to do about the situation from here. We decided together that she should talk to someone: me, her guidance counselor, perhaps someone at home. I went to guidance, reported it and the next day brought her an unused journal that I’d had at home. When I gave it to her, I explained how when I was her age, I kept a journal and it always helped. She smiled sincerely and said thanks.
Over the following months, I noticed a slight change in Lucy. I saw her writing in her journal on occasion and she was that bubbly girl more often. Just recently, I had the students share some stories that they had written in class. Lucy’s story was about her struggle to find the self-confidence she needed to stop cutting herself. She mentions a teacher at the end who noticed. When she finished reading her story to the class, and everyone clapped, she said, “And that teacher was you, Ms.” At that moment, I felt as if the struggles I’d gone through with my students — getting them to write their stories, motivating them daily — were all worth it.
Bimsmile is a pseudonym for a second-year high school English teacher. A version of this post first appeared on the UFT blog, edwize.org, where “New Teacher Diaries” is a regular feature.
