Sep 7, 2006 4:52 PM
At this time last year I had many dreams about teaching. Not the kind where students leave apples on your desk, where brilliant debates take place seamlessly, where all students are eager to learn and soak up every single word that falls out of your mouth. No, these were the kind of dreams where you’re standing in a classroom alone, confused and surrounded by screaming kids who have no intention of listening to a thing you have to say. In these dreams you are as helpless as a beetle on its back. A year ago I had these dreams nightly.
I had just completed pre-service training and I was desperately searching for a job. But the unknowns of the year ahead were daunting. I was overwhelmed with a feeling of fear. I was scared to death of setting foot into a classroom by myself. There were so many aspects of this new job that I did not know. …
I can recall my first day. I carried a bag as big and as heavy as a prize-winning pumpkin. I had no idea what I’d need, so I had it all! I think that was how I got through most of my first year — lots of preparation.
Only a few weeks into the year, I wrote the following on my blog:
“After many nights of restless sleep, an infinite amount of unanswered questions, and several failed lesson plans, I think I can finally rest assured that I’m on the right track. Last Monday, things just all of a sudden clicked. Granted, it was only for a day, but finally, after all of my preparation and hard work I really felt like I was teaching. It was a moment I don’t think I’ll ever forget. My first thought was, ‘Wow, I’m really doing this. They’re all looking at me … I thought I would never be able to do this … I’m teaching.’”
Every day was different. My first year took a lot of hard work and planning. Now, the difference of one year of teaching seems like a thousand. My bag is lighter, literally and figuratively. By the end of the last school year I had gotten to the point where I didn’t have to carry as much and I didn’t have to plan as much, either. With time came experience and a decline in the amount of unknowns. …
Having received my tentative schedule a few months ago, I have had even more of the unknowns removed. I have the luxury of planning ahead and of using unit plans from last year. Of course these lessons, projects and exams will have to be reworked, but instead of spending an hour or two on a Sunday night, I hope I will now only have to spend 30 minutes to an hour refining and preparing.
One aspect of teaching, which you cannot possibly prepare for, is the amazing sense of accomplishment that you are sure to get at the most unexpected moments. Always look at these positives when you’re down or frustrated — because there will be many times when you are. (I encourage any new teacher to read through my blog from last year — http://edwize.org/
category/new-teacher-diaries/. …
Being in the classroom is a feeling like no other, and it takes some time to get comfortable with oneself as a teacher. Give yourself that time. Over the course of the last year I learned that who I was in the classroom was very different from who I was outside the classroom.) …
As I begin to plan for my second year, although I am nervous, I am filled with more excitement than fear.
Bimsmile is the pseudonym for a now second-year teacher who posted an online diary of her experiences during her first year on Edwize, the UFT blog.